god

okay, so aparently theres this dude in the sky thats supposed to be all knowing and gentle? BULL! if ''god'' was really up there, he wouldnt be letting so much stuff happen to people, i mean, like really?! i just today read a story about a girl named shanda sharer, who got BEATEN, RAPED, TORTURED, and BURNED. at age 12!!!! she was still a llittle kid when she got in a relationship with another girl who was 14. shanda's girl had another girl tht was 15 who found out and got jealous. she went to shanda's house with 3 other girls, drove away with her and put a knife to her throat. they stopped and forced her to strip down to her panties, they another girl held shanda's hands behind her and let the girlfriend of her girlfriend beat her! they strangled her with a rope until she went limp. they put her in the car stopped later and beat her some more. they went back to one of the girls' house and went to her room leaving shanda naked, freezing and bleeding in the trunk of a car. they heard her screaming and aparently still alive. so two of the girls, took her out and began beating her and stabbing her with a pearing knife in her chest. they drove around and started beating her again and stopping frequently to beat her. the disgruntled girlfriend being cheated on hit her many times in the back of her head with a tire iron. so hard repeatedly that a piece of shanda's skull broke. the net morning they burned her...and after the autopsey the found that she had been sodomized with the tire iron. okay this girl was still a BABY! her paren's little girl was takin from them. this girl was only 12 years old. im very ashamed to say it happened in madison, indiana. less than 30 minutes from where i lived. the main girl toni tawrence walked out of the prison in jefferson county in 2000. i was 4 years old and for all i know i was walking past her at one point. this little girl was beautiful. she was truely stunning. and thinking of that poor girl begging for her life as they beat her for being in love makes me nautious quite frankly. if GOD was really out there and listening, and watching how could he let this little girl go through what she did? why couldnt he let her die soon if she must have died, i mean she could have had a bright and happy future. and he let those twisted girls hurt her over and over and over. if he is out there i think he's a cruel and uncaring person or being. these are just my opiniions. i suppose not everyone has to believe them...

please! i beg of u,
help me ease this ever lasting pain,
and by ease...i mean destroy it,
destroy me, KILL ME!!!
yea when im at skewl i joke wit Cam and Jesikaa,
but the second im behind closed doors...
oh, the second im behind closed doors,
tears fall,
knees buckle,
i fall to the floor with so many unanswerable questions,
so many un fair questions,
is it bad to wonder or...wish to kill this particular person...?
SHE is mentaly ill,
she must be,
to have done that to a 3,4,5,6? year old,
i find myself attracted to girls,
i must thank her... i must thank her for making my life so much more complicated,
as if its not hard enough dealing wit being a teemager,
now i must worry of people finding out my secret...
well i should say secretSSSS!
im lesbian, i've been mOlEsTeD...i have anger issues because of them both,
most of the tym its lyk tha weight of the world on my shoulders,
and no matter how hard i try i cant move,
no matter how strong i get i cant move it,
god? if there was a god would i have gotten a double wammy?
would my innocense have been taken not givin away?
NO! for all you people that have oh soo much faith in him...
forgget it, we have pauverty, hunger, homelessness, violence,
so much stuff dat "god" could easily stop.
if he were real [doubtful] then he is a cruel god,
no 13 year old should go through all of da stuff kids go through everyday,
lil african babies are dying because of hunger and desiese,
god should stop it...if he's out there



-well im ova my rant for now.
iight pimpin, one love <3

EveryDay Life? <3

Im not a typical 13 year old girl, most people think im just a poser, but if they only knew what goes on in my head, the things i think, the way i look at things, trust me, i would lose my friends, my boyfriend, i would lose everything.i hate pink, i hate time, i hate effort, i hate work i hate so many more things. but i LOATHE cheerleaders and peppy people. i mean dang why are they always so excited? when i hear the preppy, "eh ma gawd" i wanna punch whoeva said it. i dont really care about much....


-The darkness begins to consume me,
i feel so alone in this world,
no matter how many people "love" me,
ill be alone forever.
im always so moody,
i have so much pain,
Ever since all my intensely painful memoris came back,
now...now i have so many un-answered questions.
questions im to afraid to ask, to scared of the answers.
everyone tries to understand...my parents? no, they try...but they fail.
they dont get it. no one does.
its hard to undersand until its happened.
i used to hear abot it happening to other people, and think, dats sad.
now i understand that the emotional pain,
its almost to much to bare sometimes.
sometimes its like its consuming every other thought you have.
its like...its like when someone says something to u that one thought has to approve it, or it just doesnt get through.
everything on the inside is starting to flow out,
like a sea of extreme black pain.
sometimes i think ill bleed black, or ill bleed all the secrets i've hid from everyone.


this blog is for everyone its happened to, everyone that feels what im feeling. noone will understand more than me. noone. people write books, its all fake, the stories might be real but the emothion behind it...the emothin is artificial.