please! i beg of u,
help me ease this ever lasting pain,
and by ease...i mean destroy it,
destroy me, KILL ME!!!
yea when im at skewl i joke wit Cam and Jesikaa,
but the second im behind closed doors...
oh, the second im behind closed doors,
tears fall,
knees buckle,
i fall to the floor with so many unanswerable questions,
so many un fair questions,
is it bad to wonder or...wish to kill this particular person...?
SHE is mentaly ill,
she must be,
to have done that to a 3,4,5,6? year old,
i find myself attracted to girls,
i must thank her... i must thank her for making my life so much more complicated,
as if its not hard enough dealing wit being a teemager,
now i must worry of people finding out my secret...
well i should say secretSSSS!
im lesbian, i've been mOlEsTeD...i have anger issues because of them both,
most of the tym its lyk tha weight of the world on my shoulders,
and no matter how hard i try i cant move,
no matter how strong i get i cant move it,
god? if there was a god would i have gotten a double wammy?
would my innocense have been taken not givin away?
NO! for all you people that have oh soo much faith in him...
forgget it, we have pauverty, hunger, homelessness, violence,
so much stuff dat "god" could easily stop.
if he were real [doubtful] then he is a cruel god,
no 13 year old should go through all of da stuff kids go through everyday,
lil african babies are dying because of hunger and desiese,
god should stop it...if he's out there



-well im ova my rant for now.
iight pimpin, one love <3

EveryDay Life? <3

Im not a typical 13 year old girl, most people think im just a poser, but if they only knew what goes on in my head, the things i think, the way i look at things, trust me, i would lose my friends, my boyfriend, i would lose everything.i hate pink, i hate time, i hate effort, i hate work i hate so many more things. but i LOATHE cheerleaders and peppy people. i mean dang why are they always so excited? when i hear the preppy, "eh ma gawd" i wanna punch whoeva said it. i dont really care about much....


-The darkness begins to consume me,
i feel so alone in this world,
no matter how many people "love" me,
ill be alone forever.
im always so moody,
i have so much pain,
Ever since all my intensely painful memoris came back,
now...now i have so many un-answered questions.
questions im to afraid to ask, to scared of the answers.
everyone tries to understand...my parents? no, they try...but they fail.
they dont get it. no one does.
its hard to undersand until its happened.
i used to hear abot it happening to other people, and think, dats sad.
now i understand that the emotional pain,
its almost to much to bare sometimes.
sometimes its like its consuming every other thought you have.
its like...its like when someone says something to u that one thought has to approve it, or it just doesnt get through.
everything on the inside is starting to flow out,
like a sea of extreme black pain.
sometimes i think ill bleed black, or ill bleed all the secrets i've hid from everyone.


this blog is for everyone its happened to, everyone that feels what im feeling. noone will understand more than me. noone. people write books, its all fake, the stories might be real but the emothion behind it...the emothin is artificial.